I hate talking on the phone - particularly to old friends I haven't connected with in a while. (Sorry, friends. I love you!) I think it's for the same reason I haven't updated this poor blog in 5 months. What do you say when there's nothing interesting, exciting, hopeful, fun, or good happening in your life? 'Cause that's where I'm at.
I work part time at Starbucks, spend money irresponsibly, struggle to pay my bills, and feed my kazillion cats. I can't find a ministry job, because I've settled in a small town where all the jobs are filled. And I can't find a job doing anything else, because all I'm trained to do is be a professional Christian. And I keep thinking -- God, is this really what you had planned for me? But as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I'm sure it will all make sense once I'm out of it. I'm sure I'm learning valuable lessons in my (petty) sufferings.
I realized a few weeks ago that I've been questioning God's goodness. Not in general, like as a good being. He is more good than I can ever understand. But I'm not sure he's being good to me at this point in my life. There's nothing good in it, so how can God be doing good to me? But I guess you have to cherish the little things... The past few months at Starbucks have been unbearable and every morning is a great accomplishment just dragging myself out of bed to put on that green apron. But the past couple weeks I've had this inexplicable, unshakeable, nonstop cheerfulness as soon as I walk in the door! There's no way it's from me... Must be God after all. ;)
