That can't be right...

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday.

This is a big deal... Because after 29 is 30.  And thirty is a real number.  A grown-up number.  A "have your life together" kind of number.  But that's a blog for another day.

Jess, E and I last summer in Seattle

A lot of cool people have birthdays in May.  When I lived in Pittsburgh, at least half a dozen in my circle of friends were May babies, and we would get together to celebrate birthdays, half-birthdays, and awesomeness.  Now I know and love even MORE wonderful people who were born in the best month (don't argue).  Two weeks before me is bestfriend birthday, the day after is Jess's birthday, and many many others.





I learned recently that this really cool blogger-lady named Joy the Baker is also a May baby!  This only makes her more awesome.  But I mention this because I love her recipes, her sass, and her perspective on life.  Go read her reflections on turning thirty-two.  The girl is spot on.  Particularly this part:

 I subscribe to the idea that working really hard and loving people better every day will get me where I want to be each day, week, month and year.  

 But not so much the part where she says that baking your own birthday cake is silly.  'Cuz I'm totally doing that.  Lemon Cake with Black Tea Frosting, thank you very much.  But then again, I'm not a food blogger, so it's probably different.

I like her idea about listing things she's gained perspective on during the past year.  Perhaps I'll include some of those when I finally write down that list I've been pondering about how to get my life together before I turn 30.  Stay tuned ;)

Also, just in case you were wondering...  Bestfriend makes the best mix CDs.

The Right Reasons

Lately, I've been working out pretty regularly. I am surprised at my consistency, because exercising has never been one of my favorite things to do. I always knew I could trick myself into it by playing some kind of team sport, but then I would get discouraged by how out of breath I was while playing, and how sore I was the next day. But there are several things I've discovered over the past couple months that have enabled me to stick with it this time around.

Schedule. One of the excuses I used to use was that I got off work too late, and after a long day I just wanted to go home and relax! Now, I am off by 1pm every day, and that consistency keeps me from wimping out. I've also discovered how to do an abbreviated workout when I don't have as much time, but still want to be active. I also know what things to do when I'm feeling sore from a previous workout and just don't want to move my feet! And that leads me to my next topic:

Stretching. It is a serious motivation killer to wake up the day after a good workout and feel like every muscle in your body hurts! I've taken to saving a good 10 or 15 minutes at the end of my workout just to stretch. Then, the next day, I actually WANT to go back and do it again!

The elderly. My gym is full of old people who are cute (the "aww" factor!), slow (no competition!), consistent (how inspiring!) and old! (They're not the typical gym rats who are already in perfect shape and just go to be admired by other perfectly in-shape people.)

Rockin' tunes. I have forgotten to bring my headphones a few times, and let me tell you, exercising without music is BORING! My top 5 kick-butt-motivating songs are:
"Turn Me On," David Guetta & Nicki Minaj
"Die Young," Ke$ha
"Brokenhearted," Karmin
"Big Mouth," Santigold
And my FAVORITE workout song (seriously, please add this to your playlist now, I promise you will want to run forever and conquer the world when you hear this) is
"Run the World (Girls)," Beyonce

(I just watched the video... It is weird but the song is totally a girl-power song.)

Motivation.  I've always known that I'm never going to be a small girl.  I'm "big-boned," as they used to say.  And when the motivation for working out is to lose weight or whatever...  Well, progress is hard to see, and I get impatient waiting for results.  I won't deny that I would like to go down a size or two, just to make buying jeans easier.  But it's easier to keep going back to the gym when the goal is to be strong and healthy, not tiny and thin.  And it's easier to notice the results!  My arms are more toned, I have the slightest hint of a bicep bulge, and I am batting better at softball games.  Work is easier, and my legs aren't as tired after standing for eight hours.  I'm more flexible!  All the ab work has made it more natural to tuck in my tummy.  And although I don't see any changes in my weight or the fit of my clothes (I have yet to get disciplined with my eating habits), I like being able to DO things easier.  I like being strong.  It makes me proud of my body, and I want to keep going back every week.

Full of cliches and feelings

Have you ever had a friend who meant so much to you that you would do anything for them? Have you ever had a friend who broke your heart?  And no matter how much you tried to change, and make things okay, they just left the pieces of your broken heart lying there on the floor...

How do you recover from that?

There are a limited number of times the heart can mend itself.  With each breaking, the pieces of your broken heart get smaller and harder to put back together.  And yet, foolish heart, it continues to reach out to the same thing that it knows will only break it again.

But the thing that does the breaking is really just a person with a broken heart of their own, trying to put their pieces back together and somehow managing to shatter you again in their clumsy attempts at reconstruction.

My faith tells me to forgive.  Jesus says seven times seventy -- not a literal 490 times, more like unlimited times -- and I can forgive.  But how many times am I supposed to let myself get walked on and mistreated? My heart, the eternal optimist, rises like helium-filled glass balloon at the faintest glimmer of hope, and is dashed to the ground again before the hopeful glimmer can become a real light.

Fall Colors

I don't know what possessed me to go out for a walk on this rainy, gray day.





























But I had a few good companions on my journey...

And the colors were beautiful, rain or shine.




























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Oh hey blog.

Oh. Hey, blog. How are you? Good? Me too. Sorry I haven't been in touch in a while. Life's been pretty crazy. Yeah. Well, it was great to see you... Have a good day!

I hate talking on the phone - particularly to old friends I haven't connected with in a while. (Sorry, friends. I love you!) I think it's for the same reason I haven't updated this poor blog in 5 months. What do you say when there's nothing interesting, exciting, hopeful, fun, or good happening in your life? 'Cause that's where I'm at.

I work part time at Starbucks, spend money irresponsibly, struggle to pay my bills, and feed my kazillion cats. I can't find a ministry job, because I've settled in a small town where all the jobs are filled. And I can't find a job doing anything else, because all I'm trained to do is be a professional Christian. And I keep thinking -- God, is this really what you had planned for me? But as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I'm sure it will all make sense once I'm out of it. I'm sure I'm learning valuable lessons in my (petty) sufferings.

I realized a few weeks ago that I've been questioning God's goodness. Not in general, like as a good being. He is more good than I can ever understand. But I'm not sure he's being good to me at this point in my life. There's nothing good in it, so how can God be doing good to me? But I guess you have to cherish the little things... The past few months at Starbucks have been unbearable and every morning is a great accomplishment just dragging myself out of bed to put on that green apron. But the past couple weeks I've had this inexplicable, unshakeable, nonstop cheerfulness as soon as I walk in the door! There's no way it's from me... Must be God after all. ;)