Easter magic

by Leslie Leyland Fields

Had we crucified the rabbit--

yanked him from his fields of grass

and staked him out by paws and tender feet

to quiver, twitch and die in agony

of innocence,

and then, in three days' time,

had seen him hop up from the tomb

unscathed

but for the wounded paws and feet we felt--

then maybe now we'd talk of Christ,

pass his story down from child to child

and only faintly hint at silly myths of

wicker baskets,

chocolate eggs,

treasures hidden in the field

and some trick hare who died

then somehow disappeared.

Garden, Phase 1

Well, today the girls and I got out and started digging!  Starting a garden plot from scratch is going to be more work than I originally thought, since we don't have the benefit of a roto-tiller.  But we are buff, tough girls, and we will kick this gardening thing in the pants!  We picked a 13x13 plot in the middle of a field in order to get as much sun as possible.  According to my dad, the first step is to turn over the grass with shovels...  Here are some pics of us working hard and getting dirty!

plot marked, time to start digging!

down to the last few shovelfuls!

it is finished!

(believe it or not, I actually DID do my share of the digging, I was just the one taking the pictures! :)

National Poetry Month

I just read (via Twitter) that April is National Poetry month!  I love poetry but don't read it as much as I wished...  The same could be said of my reading, music, sports, etc...  

Anyway, since I now know that there is a whole month devoted to poetry lovers, I'm planning to make an effort to read more poems, at least for this month, and share them with you occasionally.  To start, here's one of my all-time favorites by Irish author Seamus Heaney.

Digging

Between my finger and my thumb

The squat pen rests; snug as a gun.

Under my window, a clean rasping sound

When the spade sinks into gravelly ground:

My father, digging.  I look down

Till his straining rump among the flowerbeds

Bends low, comes up twenty years away

Stooping in rhythm through potato drills

Where he was digging.

The coarse boot nestled on the lug, the shaft

Against the inside knee was levered firmly.

He rooted out tall tops, buried the bright edge deep

To scatter new potatoes that we picked,

Loving their cool hardness in our hands.

By God, the old man could handle a spade.

Just like his old man.

My grandfather cut more turf in a day

Than any other man on Toner's bog.

Once I carried him milk in a bottle

Corked sloppily with paper.  He straightened up

To drink it, then fell to right away

Nicking and slicing neatly, heaving sods

Over his shoulder, going down and down

For the good turf.  Digging.

The cold smell of potato mould, the squelch and slap

Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge

Through living roots awaken in my head.

But I've no spade to follow men like them.

Between my finger and my thumb

The squat pen rests.

I'll dig with it.

Garden, pre-planning

My childhood home was located in the country, and we lived next door to my grandparents.  Every summer, in between our two houses, they and my parents planted a huge garden to share between the six of us, and other aunts and uncles when we had a bumper crop.  My summer chores most often included weeding and picking veggies from the garden (strawberries were the worst!).  

The place I'm living now doesn't have any room for a real garden, and last summer I planted lots of things in pots.  But this summer, a friend of mine who has some extra space around his house, has offered to let me plant a REAL garden!  I don't really know what I'm doing, and the process will probably include a lot of calling home to my parents to find out how to do certain things.  But as long as I can keep the deer from eating everything I plant, I think I'll be in good shape!

I started by going to the garden shop and buying WAY too many seeds, stuff to start the plants indoors, and making charts and lists.  I keep telling myself not to go too big, and not to go overboard and grow so many things that I can't eat them!  But I don't really think I succeeded...  Regardless this will be a fun experiment!  

2009 Garden Plants

HERBS:

parsley

lavender

oregano

cilantro

chives

dill

basil

spearmint

stevia 

VEGGIES:

beefsteak tomatoes

cherry tomatoes

cucumbers

pickling cucumbers

eggplant

sweet corn

zucchini squash

yellow squash

red/green peppers

purple/red peppers

jalapeno peppers

hot peppers mix

lettuce

spinach

FLOWERS:

poppy

zinnia

Start Small

I've been feeling in a "funk" lately.  I realize that "funk" is a very ambiguous word, but for lack of a better one I'm sticking with it.  I've been unmotivated and lazy, and depressed about how unmotivated and lazy I am.  Even on my days off, when I'm allowed to relax and be unproductive, I end the day thinking about what a waste it was.  

Spring break was last week, and I went on a mission trip with La Roche College students to do reconstruction work in New Orleans, LA.  I'm sure I was in my funk for at least a month before the trip, but last week was fantastic!  I love going on trips and spending extended time with people, getting to know about their lives, investing and serving and living.  I like using power tools and learning new skills, and helping other people do the same.  Even though the bathroom situation was inconvenient (there was only one, and we had to switch between males and females every half hour!), I like brushing my teeth and blowdrying my hair next to someone else.  I like mission trips simply for the fun of it.  

But this trip helped me to rediscover something that I've been missing for a while.  One of the results, or perhaps one of the causes of my funk was that I was feeling very down about my ministries, both with the youth group and at La Roche.  I haven't felt good at my job; I've felt unsuccessful and burned out.  Last week I felt good again -- I was engaging students, helping them make connections, asking good questions, challenging people and not letting them settle for easy answers...  I rediscovered my passion for college students last week.  I got some wonderful encouragement from some of the other adults on the trip, too, which was like icing on the cake.

We've been home for almost a week now, though, and today I could start to feel the funk creeping back in.  How do I keep it at bay?

We had some students over for dinner tonight, and after dinner we dyed Easter eggs.  After they left, the kitchen was covered with dirty dishes, newspaper, and traces of egg dye.  I am not a terribly neat person -- my usual reaction would be to leave the mess for the morning, when it would get left until later, which would get left until the next day, until the next day becomes an impossible mess.  But for some reason tonight, instead of leaving it all for "later," I just started cleaning.  I loaded the dishwasher, threw away the trash, put the leftovers in the refrigerator, washed the dishes, folded up the newspaper, took the extra leaf out of the table, wiped off the counters...  And I feel good!  

I'm starting to realize how much the different areas of my life affect each other.  I've been talking about this for years -- the CCO idea of zero dualisms, that our faith impacts all areas of our lives.  But it goes both ways.  God speaks into the ways I drive and eat, and how messy my room is affects my spiritual wellbeing (albeit indirectly).  For now, I'm pledging to do the small things - cleaning my dishes instead of piling them next to the sink, putting dirty clothes in the hamper instead of leaving them where I dropped them, leaving five minutes early for a meeting so that I'm not stressed by heavy traffic, wearing sunglasses, and having fresh flowers in the house.  And little by little I think I'll rediscover the things I've been missing for so long.

Stars!

I found these great picture frames on clearance at Bed, Bath and Beyond a couple months ago.  They're practically deep enough for shadow boxes!  Definitely good for some 3-d art.  I saw the idea for these pictures on someone else's blog, but unfortunately I've lost the link.  If you happen to have seen it out there in the blogosphere, let me know!

Am I in Tune?

Tonight, our girls Bible study met and shared a wonderful meal and an even better discussion!  (Sidenote:  I love having international friends.  The food is so good!!)  As a discussion starter, we watched one of Rob Bell's Nooma dvds*.  The one we chose was called Rhythm, and in it Bell uses music as a metaphor for God:  He is the melody, and the question we ask ourselves is "Am I in tune?"  

For a while now, I've been feeling like my life isn't in tune with God, though before tonight I wouldn't have phrased it quite like that.  I wouldn't say that I am playing a dissonant chord, or that I'm just slightly out of tune.  I think the problem is that I've stopped hearing God's melody, and have fallen silent.  And my half-hearted attempts to find the melody again aren't working.

Here's a quote from the film:

For many people, their concept of God is built around a God who is outside of everything, a God who essentially is somewhere else, a God who made the world but then stands back and watches it form this other vantage point, a God who's there, and then from time to time comes here.

When I heard those words, I realized that lately I have been operating under the assumption that God is outside of this world and occasionally pops his head in to give some direction or judgement or mercy.  What's strange, though, is that I don't actually believe that.  I believe that God is present and active in this world, not just in flashy periodic displays of his greatness, but also in small details of our lives.  God is everywhere, but for some reason I've been ignoring him.  I see God every day, but I haven't been seeing him.

I asked the girls what kinds of things they do to help remind themselves of God's presence and his love for us during those times when we feel distant and unattached, when we can't hear the melody.  What I realized helps me in my darker times is seeing people who are passionately in love with God, whether it be through watching a Nooma film, reading a book, or talking with a dear friend.  When I see other people who are in tune with God's great melody, it reminds me of the song I want to be playing.  It refreshes my mind and heart, and I remember the things that I strive for in my relationship with God.  It's like the muscle memory we have for riding a bicycle.  No matter how long it's been, we can always hop on and start pedaling again.

*Nooma dvds are short (10 minute) films about a variety of Christian themes.