pre-Lenten Reflections

At the last Staff Seminar training I was at for my campus ministry job, I bought a book called Living the Christian Year: Time to Inhabit the Story of God by Bobby Gross. As is my custom, I had more books than I could read at one time, and never got around to reading past the foreword. It's arranged, naturally, by the Christian year, and every time I thought about beginning it we were in the middle of a season. But Lent begins next week with Ash Wednesday, and today I had some extra time to sit down and read through that section.

The traditional 40-day period of Lent reflects long biblical fasts by the likes of Moses, Elijah, and Jesus. Catholics typically give up meat during Lent, but in my Protestant upbringing, people abstained from a variety of things including chocolate, pop, sex, gossip, coffee, ice cream, etc. Thinking about what I might give up this year left me feeling shallow, because what could I possibly give up that would compare to the sacrifice that Jesus made for me? But Gross's notes helped me to remember the benefits that humbly choosing sacrifice during Lent can have.

We adopt practices that help to sharpen our spiritual awareness. Through prayer and Scripture meditation, moral inventory and behavior changes, fasting/abstinence, and generosity/service, we open ourselves up to receive God's grace and blessing.

I also liked the idea that during Lent, we revisit the declarations we made during our baptism: we renounce satan and all evil powers and sinful desires, we trust in the grace of Jesus Christ our Savior, and we follow him as Lord.

(summarized from p. 128)

How can I put those ideas into practice? My roommate and I decided to do "Frugal February," a month where we cut out all unnecessary shopping and basically only buy gas and groceries. I think I'll continue that through the end of Lent as a part of my fast. I've begun reading through John, so I'll focus on that during Lent in addition to any other reading I might do. I'm also considering doing a day-long juice fast on Ash Wednesday, Fridays during Lent, and Maundy Thursday through Easter Sunday. And I hope that through that process, I will be able to reaffirm the declarations from my baptism: I renounce satan and all evil powers and sinful desires, I trust in the grace of Jesus Christ my Savior, and I follow him as my risen Lord!

The $5 Savings Plan

I'm really horrible with money. What I mean by that is, I'm horrible at managing/saving money. I'm pretty good at the spending part. (What can I say, I love to shop!) But with a big move and a new house creeping closer every day, I'm starting to feel the pressure to save.

Let me introduce you to the only plan that I have found so far in my short life that is actually effective for me:

The $5 Savings Plan

It's pretty simple. Are you ready??

I read in a magazine once that if you take every 5-dollar bill that comes into your possession and put it in a jar/box/bag/under the mattress, it adds up to a nice sum within about 6 months.

So that is what I have been doing. Since I got back from Christmas, I've taken all the change and every $5 bill in my wallet and put it in a big jar. The effectiveness of this system naturally depends on how much of a cash flow one has, but since I get cash tips from Starbucks every week, I always have something to contribute. I realize that I won't be using this for the down payment for a house or anything big, but it's there for emergencies and, hopefully, for some splurges for the new house (which you can read about here!).

There are a few reasons why I think this system works for me:

(one) I'm particularly motivated to save money for this house project, because I'm really excited about it!

(two) It's become a fun challenge to see how much money I can put in there each week.

(three) The jar I'm using is transparent, and it's fun to see the bills and change piling up.

(four) The jar also has a really small neck, so if I was ever tempted to take money out of the jar, I would have to dump three pounds of change on the floor and then pull the bills out with tweezers.

I know it's not the best savings system in the world. I'm not earning interest or protecting my assets. But it works for now, and it works for me!

I love to cook!

Tonight for dinner, we had:

• Lemon Pepper Chicken

• Crash Hot Potatoes from here

• side salad that I learned to make from this awesome book

and for dessert:

• Pear Apple Cranberry Crisp from here

Yum!

ALSO... This is my new favorite blog person, Color me Katie. So fun and sweet!

inspiration

I saw this video today, over at High Calling Blogs.

Inspiring, no?

Hiding

I have been living in Pittsburgh for 3 and a half years now, but I feel it's important to tell people as often as I can that my heart is still in Indiana. (Chances are, if you know me and you're reading this, then you already knew that.) My hometown is the most beautiful place I know, and I love being with my family. Trips home are not frequent, but I cherish them even more because of that. I am so excited for my trip home this Christmas that I have already bought and wrapped most of my gifts! When I'm at home, I really prefer to spend most of my time on the farm. I hate going out shopping, to the grocery stores, and I sometimes even feel weird about going to church. I'm always afraid I'm going to run into someone I know.

I don't like running into people from my "past life." Teachers I had in elementary school, or people I went to high school with -- meetings with them are always awkward, and if I have the opportunity I'll usually pretend that I didn't see them and walk the other way.

Tonight, I was looking through pictures of my brother's girlfriend, who I will meet for the first time at Christmas (alright, call it Facebook stalking if you must), and I realized that I'm both excited about and dreading meeting her.

In May, after four great years living in Pittsburgh, I'll be moving back to Indiana! This great news makes my heart sing! But, I know that once I'm living there, I won't be able to hide on the farm all the time. Eventually I will run into people from my "past life" -- and I am terrified.

My great joy at being back in a place I dearly love is being overshadowed by what I now recognize as embarrassment. I don't like the person I've become. I don't want to meet my brother's lovely girlfriend because I am sure that I won't measure up. I don't want to run into people who knew me in high school or college because I know how they will react: "Well, she's not doing very well..."

I'm afraid that the people I meet will judge me the same way that I judge myself. I'm nothing like the person that I hope to be:: I've gained a lot of weight. I'm introverted and don't like talking to people. I don't put people at ease. I'm not a good networker. I am not a spiritual person. I've not been successful with my career. I have no direction for my life. I earn a crappy wage for a part-time job. I'm awkward in conversation. I am not kind.

I could continue that list for pages. And I could set myself a regimen of healthy eating, exercise, prayer and scripture, soul-searching, generosity, and socializing for the next six months. But I know I wouldn't stick with it and it would be just another thing that I failed to finish.

The chasm between who I am and who I want to be is immense. In the face of such a huge discrepancy, I feel like it will be easier for me to dig myself a hole over here and keep hiding.

Thankful

I am thankful:

--that my mom is healthy.

--for my dad's dedication.

--for furry friends to make me smile.

--for my brother's enthusiasm.

--that I found my soul-sister.

--for God's providence and faithfulness.

--that I have a job, a house, and a car.

--for this little yellow house.

What are you thankful for today?

Fooood...

Finished:

pecan pie

apple pie

mashed potatoes

cranberry sauce

To-Do Today:

whiskey-glazed carrots

gluten free stuffing

Let the feasting begin!