I'm Incapable

Last week's youth conference was a mixed bag of emotions for me.  The conference was amazing:  well planned timing, a wide variety of activities, the right amount of scheduled and unscheduled time, broad musical tastes, a very spiritual emphasis, etc.  For at least a couple months, I had been feeling very depressed and out of touch with God, and CHIC was a great catalyst to bringing me back into his presence.  But, as any youth leader will tell you, conferences are incredibly draining, physically and emotionally.

I was the only leader for 8 high school girls, six of whom were members of the church.  It's kind of an expensive conference, but it's also only every 3 years, so it gives churches a chance to do lots of fundraising.  The church paid for almost all of the girls (and my) fees.  Because of this, I felt a lot of pressure to make sure that the girls "got" something out of CHIC.  It's a really fun event, but it's also designed to be a deep event.  Naturally, a high school kid's first inclination is to just focus on the fun part and brush over the rest of it.

The first night of mainstage worship, half of the girls remained seated the entire time, even though the 5,000 other people in the auditorium were on their feet with their hands raised in praise.  I was really offended by this, and afraid that it was a sign of what the rest of the week had in store.  Regardless of the pressure I felt from the church, as the girls' youth leader, I wanted to make sure that they "got" it, too!  I said something to them later, about engaging the real reason why CHIC existed -- to bring them closer to God.  The rest of the week, I kept emphasizing that they needed to engage in the seminars and speakers so that God could speak to them.  But the second night of worship, I had a realization.  Even if I forced them to their feet, made them raise their hands in praise and bend their knees in prayer, if I made them answer questions after every seminar and write down what they learned, they still might not learn anything from the experience.  Despite my best efforts, it was still possible that they would leave CHIC thinking about the fun they had and the cute boys they met.  The only person who had any influence over what they "got" out of the conference was God.  It was out of my hands.

After we got home, the Sunday morning church service was devoted to us sharing with the congregation about CHIC.  All the girls were to share at least a little bit about what they had experienced.  I was pretty apprehensive -- I had only spoken with one of the girls about what she had experienced with God during the week.  The rest of them were wildcards.  

Thankfully, naturally, God had been working while I was worrying.  All 8 girls shared some great things about what they had enjoyed and what they had experienced at CHIC -- everything from awareness about human trafficking to a new sense of identity and purpose in God.  Had I two months to prepare, I could not have given a better speech than they did.  Afterwards, one of the parents complimented me on how the service had gone.  I answered, "I had nothing to do with it.  It was all God."  

I heard these words from a Caedmon's Call song a few days after we got back:

I'm so thankful that I'm incapable

of doing any good on my own

Amen.

Fully alive and she knows, how to believe in futures.

I'm at a conference with 8 high school girls from my church.   It's been an exhausting week, but more about that later. Right now I'm at our evening mainstage session where all 5,000 people have gathered to hear a band, a speaker, and worhip together.  Tonight's featured band is Flyleaf, a hardcore screamo band (they happen to be very strong Christians, which is why they're here).  I wanted to share with you a scene I just watched.

So like I said, Flyleaf is a pretty hardcore band, and people at their concerts get really serious (and dangerous) in the mosh pits.  A few minutes ago Lacy, the lead singer, took a minute to tell all the kids moshing in the front to make sure they take care of each other while they were down there.  She told the boys to be gentlemen and made sure no one needed to get out of the pits.  I'm glad she said that, because I've been down front at concerts much tamer than this one and they are crazy.  But, having been around these kids for three days now, I didn't think it would do much good.  A few minutes later, though, I saw a group of four boys making their way from the front back to their seats in the stadium.  Three of them were obviously escorting the fourth because he had been hurt in some way.  When they got back to their seats I saw him motion to their leaders that he had been hit in the head.

Watching that little scene really touched my heart.  This has been a long week for me, because I just can't comprehend how kids can be so cruel to each other, so hurtful and abusive and crazy.  But seeing those boys take care of each other made me realize that there is still good in the world, that love is still out there in the hearts of kids.

A Word of Advice for Youth Leaders:

Do not leave your cell phones laying around for kids to pick up.

Instead of spending time telling them about Jesus, let them play with your new laptop:

Confirmation Sunday

This morning nine 7th and 8th graders were confirmed at my church. I'm not their parents, and I didn't even help out with the confirmation class. But I felt such a swelling of parental pride in those kids as they stood up there and recited the Apostle's Creed and gave their testimonies. How amazing that in the early formative years of their development, nine teenagers would be confident and secure enough in the saving grace of Jesus Christ that they would stand up in front of a gathering and declare their faith in him! Awesome.

Hors d'oeuvres

Tonight will be the third youth group meeting since my last (rather depressing) post. I'm still very excited about what we're doing; coming up with new and creative ideas is a lot of fun. I'm not really sure how I made it through last year... After experiencing such joy preparing lessons and games this past month or so, I know that I mostly just floated through my first year of ministry. Thank goodness God can work through anything (even this crap I've been giving out!)!!!
This week's youth group lesson is about changing perspectives. I feel lucky to have been raised with a Christian worldview because it helps me to make sense of all the craziness that happens in this world every day, and I believe that all Christians should feel this way. Despite the pain that we see around us, we've got an "edge" because we can see the end game. The world's not supposed to be so full of darkness, and someday all of creation will be redeemed. We can offer something to the world around us, we can change people's perspectives and help them to see the beauty and grace that exists instead of only pain.

I was at CCO Staff Seminar on Thursday and Friday of this week, and (as usual) I picked up a few more items from my favorite bookseller. Included was one authored by a CCO staff member, called The Outrageous Idea of Academic Faithfulness. I read through almost the whole thing on Saturday, and it inspired a good portion of my youth group lesson for tonight. Let me share a quote with you:

"In the meantime [after Jesus' redemption of the world
and before the final consummation], we enjoy morsels
of joy and peace. And part of our work is to serve them
about -- like hors d'oeuvres before the banquet."
(Opitz & Melleby, 93)

I love that imagery!! We have this great thing, and we take it and put scary words like 'evangelism' on it and say it's too hard to do, instead of offering the goodness to everyone we meet. Just serve the hors d'oeuvres, people! It's our job!!!

Great ideas are always frustrated.

Last Sunday, we had our fall kickoff for the Youth Group. I've been spending a lot of time brainstorming and planning with my roommate, E, and let me tell you it is SO GREAT doing this with someone! No wonder people get burned out when they try to do ministry alone. We were created for relationships; it makes sense that we can do better work when we utilize those relationships. We've come up with some cool ideas for thinking critically about the culture and finding the truth in the things that we consume every day. A lot of my kids just like things because they are cool or trendy, but they have no idea what the songs or movies or tv shows are really saying. I'm far from thinking that we should remove ourselves from culture just because it isn't 'Christian,' but I want these kids to be able to identify what's good and bad about the culture. Last week I was talking with one of the seniors in the youth group, and she was telling me about a song she really liked called "Minor Prophets." Further probing revealed that she didn't know what the song was about, why it was called "Minor Prophets," or what the minor prophets are.

Anyway. On Sunday we planned a lesson using Acts 17, where Paul speaks to the men of Athens about the 'unknown god,' and quotes their own poets to them, etc. Basically Paul does what I want these kids to be able to do; he uses the things that the people are already familiar with to illustrate and highlight God's truth. Even the junior high kids were making some connections, the high schoolers much more so. BUT... the evening was a complete disaster.

I've always had some minor problems getting the kids to respect me. They like me, and enjoy talking with me and hanging out. But when it comes to discipline, I don't have the parental authority that makes them listen. I have two sisters in the group, one a senior and the other a freshman, and these girls in particular spend a lot of time with me. They are wonderful... but they are the worst about respecting me. They also fight, horribly. They both need to be the center of attention, always, and when they are together their need for attention clashes. I've decided to change the youth group format so that the junior high and high school overlap for an hour, so that I only have to do games and food once instead of twice. On Sunday night, the two girls decided to get into it and it was utter chaos. They were yelling at each other, the older tied the younger one's shoe to a basketball hoop, the younger told the pastor on her older sister, and I was barely holding on. They didn't listen to me, they wouldn't even stay in the area and kept wandering off. It made me look horrible in front of the other kids and the parents who were there to pick up their junior highers. I couldn't concentrate on the lesson because the one girl was incessantly talking about nothing. All in all it was an awful evening. I have to have talks with both of them before youth group again on Sunday, and I am dreading it.

Perhaps what made it so bad was that I was so excited about the lesson, so pumped about this year and what I want to happen with these kids. I was well-prepared and excited and I knew what I was talking about and eager to help the kids make connections. But it seems like every good thing is frustrated... Every time I come up with something great, something horrible happens. Kids fight, or they won't listen, or they just don't show up at all. Days like last Sunday, I wonder why I do this at all.