Monday, July 6, 2009

Tension is a passing note...

I've been depressed lately.

There.  I said it.  Now it's out there for (theoretically) the whole world to see.  No longer is it just an excuse in my head or a word I fling at my roommate while I am in tears because of some miniscule thing she did wrong.

I'm not exactly sure how I got into this hole, and I am clueless about how to climb out.  I just keep looking up towards the sky.  Sometimes it's beautiful and blue, and I stare at it with longing.  Sometimes it's cloudy and gray, and I'm happy to wallow in my inexplicable sorrow.  I can never tell if the top of the hole is getting closer, or if I just keep sinking down farther.  When I try to grasp for the rope to pull myself out, I can never find it.  I am alone.

I heard this song by Sixpence None the Richer tonight while shuffling through my iPod.

Do I murder when I forget you from afar?
Too drunk on the poison of endless roads and the countless smoky bars.
But tension is to be loved when it is like a passing note
To a beautiful, beautiful chord.

Then, this song by Matt Wertz came on right after.

I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
And the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away

I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there's no yield for what you've sown
I will not leave you all alone

I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always look to me
I will give you what you need

I'm trying to remember -- this will pass, and God will keep his promises.

(I have a video I took of Matt singing this song at a concert in February but YouTube is down for maintenance right now -- I'll try to upload it tomorrow.)

1 comment:

J. M. Richards said...

For the record, you're not entirely alone. I've been there (even recently) and if there's anything I can do, just say the word.

[Although, I refuse to quote cheery platitudes at you. (You know, like "God has a plan" or "It'll be okay" or "the sun'll come out tomorrow." I just won't do it.)]

Don't be afraid to come hang out in my flat, even if you're not quite feeling yourself. I don't mind.